A Devastating Review becomes a Fun One-Man Show

Reviewed by Mary Alderson

In a clever little romp of self-deprecating humour, Kyle Golemba has created an entertaining one-man show in which he is both handsome and charming. His personal story is now on the Sculthorpe Stage at Port Hope’s Capitol Theatre until June 8.

The show’s name comes from a critique written about him 20 years ago, when he was launching his career as an actor. He was happy to have landed his audition successfully, resulting in the role of Gilbert Blyth in Anne of Green Gables. It was going well, he thought. But then a critic called him “handsome but charmless”. That could have been pretty devastating for a young actor. Undaunted, Golemba has carried on in a successful theatrical career, and 20 years later he is looking back at that comment.

So, he decided to ask some of his fellow successful actors about bad reviews they had. One young man was described as overly pelvic; we’re not sure what that means, but unless he was doing an Elvis impersonation, it’s a rather useless comment. A young woman, performing in the lively show Footloose, had a review calling her “exhausting to watch on stage.” I know this particular actress; she is very energetic. Do you suppose that’s what the critic meant? Another young woman was told she was “thick in the waist”. Again, I know this person. If that is supposed to be a euphemism for fat, she certainly is not.

Naturally, this show had me thinking back over my 21 years of reviews. Had I ever said something useless, or worse, hurtful, about a performer?  I think I’ve restricted my comments to their abilities in singing, dancing and acting, or whatever it is they are doing on stage. Rarely, do I see a show where the performance is so bad that I have to point it out. Last year, I walked out of a show early. It was bad. I couldn’t see any redeeming features, and I left so that I didn’t have to write a review.

In any case, Golemba quotes several of his friends’ reviews which might have been devastating at the time, but now that they have successful careers, they can see the humour in them.

Golemba also tells his history – growing up in small-town Saskatchewan where there weren’t theatre groups, nor any openly “queer” guys, he had few friends. Eventually his family moved to Regina and he started acting and found his “people”. He traces his career path to Sheridan College, and on to various professional theatres across Canada, including the Stratford Festival and the Shaw Festival in Niagara-on-the-Lake, to his role as Brett last summer in Bed and Breakfast at the Capitol Theatre.

Golemba sings a variety of show tunes, accompanied by music director Adam White. Golemba has a strong, rich musical theatre voice. On a few songs, the two men harmonize beautifully.

The audience was appreciative on opening night, gasping at some of the bad reviews, and laughing at Golemba’s stories about being a theatre kid.

The songs and stories create a relaxing and entertaining show, which is even better when people get to peek behind the curtain and learn about an actor’s life.

Handsome But Charmless continues at the Capitol Theatre in Port Hope until June 8, 2025. Tickets are available at the box office by calling 905-885-1071 or visiting https://capitoltheatre.com/

Photo: Kyle Golemba in Handsome But Charmless. Photo by Sam Moffatt.

Handsome But Charmless
Created and performed by Kyle Golemba
Music Direction by Adam White
Capitol Theatre, Port Hope
June 3 to 8, 2025
Reviewed by Mary Alderson